Follow Me On The Road and Twitter.

28 07 2011

http://twitter.com/#!/militantcyclist





A New Terrorist Threat

13 07 2011

The Gothamist has an article up right now about an ever vigilant news reporter exposing the threat of al-quaeda using NYC bike lanes to carry out their attacks.

It’s already been established that bike lanes are killing your father and turning your children into fixed-gear riding meth addicts, but did you know they’re also being used by terrorists as the next tool in the war against the infidels? Laugh away, sheeple; CBS 2′s Marcia Kramer—who previously exposed the threats posed by Prospect Park West bike lane—knows better. Yesterday she raced up to Turtle Bay to, uh, report on the forthcoming bike lane extensionson First and Second Avenue, from 34th Street to 59th. And where some see a “safety” improvement, Kramer sees a hotbed of militant extremism.

“A Second Avenue bike lane is next to the Israeli Consulate,” Kramer warns. “Imagine if the man on the bike was a terrorist!” The copy on the CBS 2 website phrases it slightly differently: “A Second Avenue bike lane is next to the Israeli consulate, leaving many wondering what would happen if a man on a bike were a terrorist.” Many indeed! How many? Surely too many to count, but we’re guessing they can all be found inside Kramer’s head.

Fear not however, citizen! In an investigative report, Gothamist has uncovered the secret weapon against cycling terrorists on the streets of New York. The spiked license plate.

Years of FBI handiwork

This would make George Bush proud, as well as the PTI guys, although from the sounds of it they would use it against civilian cyclists too, not just terrorists.





Pardon the Ignorance

13 07 2011

ESPN variety show Pardon The Interruption (PTI) had some rather disturbing things to say following the automobile induced TdF crash. Instead of being concerned about the safety of the riders they joked

“I hope nothing happened to the car, I hope it didn’t sustain any real damage”

and followed up with:

“We don’t want bikes on the road with us when we’re going to work, they don’t want our cars next to them when they’re doing their work and I think they have a right, but once again this is France, what do you expect?”

BSNYC has a nice piece up about it here on bicycling.com





I’m moving to Sweden.

13 07 2011

I’m moving to Sweden. After seeing this:

Man gets sick benefits for heavy metal addiction

I see no reason why I shouldn’t. I have the same symptoms as well as another disease called “bicycling” that I am addicted to and can’t seem to get back on the wagon…er, saddle.





Graphic video of cyclists being hit by a car.

11 07 2011

And its not what you think, even here, in cycling most hallowed competition the cyclists aren’t safe from automobiles.

 





THE THUNDERGOD.

6 07 2011

Thor Hushovd is showing good form thus far, and being a personal favorite of mine based on his epic metal name, I’m excited to see where this years tour takes him. Well, we know where it will take him, as the routes are all planned, but you know what I mean.

There is no way this meets UCI regulations.

Despite his affinity for rubbing his suncream on other men Hushovd, is truly a God amongst mortals, at least during these beginning stages of Le Tour. After he finished rubbing suncream all over the manx missile, he did give Cav his due:

“About two or three years ago, I realized that I could not compete anymore on flat sprints with a guy like Mark Cavendish,” Hushovd said. “So I started to focus on a different type of sprints. To be  strong on small climbs, you need specific preparation and specific work.”

While methodological, step by step, specific training is not quite smiting ice giants with Mjölnir, watching the tour is guaranteed to be better than the Thor movie, so it’ll do.

The Garmin-Cervelo manager Jonathan Vaughters made the oh so obvious observation that Thor is “a strong, strong man”. Hopefully strong enough to battle for the mailloit jaune for the duration of the tour, and after his victory there take on  Jörmungandr during Ragnarök.

Creamsicle and suncream? Thor seems to have a theme going here.

Creamsicles and suncream too, oh Thor, you crazy.





ARGH!

6 07 2011

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/sport/tour-de-france/mark-cavendish-and-thor-hushovd-penalised-after-jostling-during-stage-3/story-fn8s9i81-1226088287158

I was trying to think of puns about being headstrong or I don’t know what, I’m too BAH to think about it, but all I have is..

COME ON.

although there was this:

“Hushovd shrugged off the incident, saying: “I just wanted to rub off some of my suncream (on Cavendish).” Pretty sexy. Cavendish evidently didn’t find it as arousing, however as he had this to say:

“Just heard that Thor’s offered to take the punishment solely. What a true gentleman. I reckon it won’t change f*** all, but thank you.”

Followed up by:

“Feillu causes havoc in every sprint. If you ask the riders who causes trouble in the sprint finishes, more of them would say Feillu. Today I had Rojas on one side and Feillu on the other, and they took my wheel. I got swamped.”

COME ON!








Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.