Fakengers.

26 07 2007

So I’ve noticed an increase in the trend of, for god knows what reason, civilians impersonating messengers. I hadn’t really noticed it before i was thinking of returning to my job as a messenger, or maybe i did but i buried it deep in my subconscious where it wouldn’t hurt so badly. There are a shit ton of these little monkeys around university right now and its driving me mad. Actually there is a female in one of my classes who i see every day that rides a fixie and carries a messenger bag…WITH WHAT IN IT? Makeup. Yes, it is her handbag, but 10 times bigger and less handbag and more messenger bag. She dresses the part, or what she thinks is the part and gives me strange looks because i bring my machine into the classroom instead of locking it up outside. Or maybe its the spandex. I don’t know. Anyway, one of these days im going to ask her who she works for and when she answers “Starbucks” or some other trendy corporate shit I’m going to just shake my head and walk away.

These idiots are all over the place on their bikes, on the sidewalk, off the sidewalk, in and out of traffic, no helmet, and its pissing me off. They are capable of doing trackstands for a longer time than they can actually ride the damn bike, mostly outside of some emo bar or boutique clothing store, or even worse, urban outfitters. Ive started confronting them about their habits and i feel like a dad but damn it, somebody has to do something, they are the problem with cycling. When i had space at BLD art studios there were a large group of artists who were also messengers and I never noticed this happening back then. This was from about 1999 to 2004? Its a trendy thing to do at university and it will wear off someday, and they will forget all about cycling and ill be 80 years old giving myself a stroke or aneurysm trying to get up a hill whilst still trying to impress some girls in a car. I tell them that i hope they get hit by a car, and ask if they will wear a helmet then…So perhaps its always been that way and i never noticed it but i dont know. Someone suggested that they are “supporting” bicycling culture. I cant agree with this at all, possibly supporting it monetarily but i dont think that buying certain items from companies that make products for messengers constitutes support in the form it is meant to convey. Supporting cycling would not be riding like you are blind, weaving in and out of traffic, running red lights and generally being a hazard to drivers who already have a problem dealing with cyclists.

I ran into one of these kids that i had confronted outside a health food store a few days later at this marketplace thing where he was working at a hippie restaurant…i bought a small cake and some banana bread (which was really good and i needed as i rode 75 miles that day and was hungry the entire time) from him and asked if he had gotten hit by a car yet.

he hadn’t. damn.

Or maybe i’m just an ass. That is probably it.

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2 responses

17 09 2007
anon

Hmm–
this is a hard issue. I love hating on idiots but I’m somewhat on the opposite side of this fence. Ain’t no messenger but I ride bikes, some are fixed some aren’t. I love goofing around town or riding long distances fixed, skidding, perfecting backwards circles. . .making beer runs as fast as possible, riding rollers after work. I also support bike culture. . .but to me that means volunteering at the local bike kitchen, writing grant proposals, giving donations, supporting sound transportation planning. . .

And yet I still hate to see some idjit riding fixed with platform pedals and no clips. . .

fixed was here at the inception of cycling it isn’t unique to messenger culture. . .that said it saddens me to see an underground culture appropriated by idiots who need a shim to get into their pants.

19 07 2009
"fakenger"

whats wrong about people loving bikes, loving the feeling of fixie-riding?
whats wrong about people noticing that a messengerbag is probably the best way to carry stuff on a bike?
i just dont get it.
of course there are annoying hipsters on the road, but who ever expected any culture to be totally full of great “true” participants?
do you expect anyone to be cool who rides a skateboard, because you do?
or do you expect anyone to be cool who drives a car, because you do?

and sorry for bad english, im a hamburg-boy.

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