Freestlying Isn’t Free

22 06 2011

Vancouver. Up until recently I’ve always had a fondness for Vancouver, and enjoyed the holidays I’ve taken there. Kiss that goodbye. Well, not really, I know it was but a few hooligans, not the whole city. However, drunken youth with entitlement syndrome leave a bad taste in my mouth, and not from a beer-breathy post-riot kiss. The police have tried to blame the riot on “anarchists” instead of who was actually responsible, namely pro MTBer Alex Prochazka.

Nothing screams anarchy like being forced to wear corporate logos.

The last I checked, political activists were not prone to rioting over sporting events, but usually erosion of democracy or trampling of civil rights. But then, what do I know, maybe the new progressive cause being spearheaded is the absolute social injustice of a team losing a hockey match. I digress. It appears the anarchist Prochazka has lost his sponsorships from the large corporate backers he held. Which, of course, is just fine for him, being an anarchist and all, he didn’t need or want them anyway.

Here he is in all his glory, surrounded by other members of the “royal blue and kelly green” bloc, wearing the symbol known to law enforcement groups worldwide to belong to anarchists…the orca.

Nothing screams anarchy like everyone in uniform!

Beware this symbol:

Or the “Reebok third jersey shoulder logo”:

Johnny Canuck

For where you see these symbols  social upheaval is soon to follow. We had better get a SWAT team over to the Reebok corporate offices, I saw hundreds of similarly dressed men in suits heading into the building, they must be anarchists plotting an alcohol fueled office riot. Some of them were even wearing these:

Also, in true radical insurrectionist fashion, the NHL Team Shop carries a Tattoo Sleeve that would make anther well known malcontent revolutionary named Ed Hardy writhe in jealousy.

Nothing screams anarchy like fake tattoos!

It turned out lucky for us that I decided to risk infiltrating the den of leftist agitators that is Much to my dismay, I uncovered another sinister plot the anarchists were hatching:

Nothing screams anarchy like arm warmers on a cool autumn morning.

There you have it. The anarchists, right this very second, are targeting, in classic provocateur terminology:  “an untapped demographic” and will be launching preemptive strikes into said “test market”, bicycling.

If we are not careful, we will end up like Alex Prochazka, under the thumb of  political dissidents such as Ed Hardy, Reebok, or the aptly named Red Bull, which does nothing to hide its communist sympathies. Here he is, surrounded by other cyclists already who have been through the anarchist indoctrination process known as “exploratory research and factor analysis” and are now a  “diffusion model”.

Nothing screams anarchy like allover print shirts, logos, corporate sponsors, and neon green hats.




2 responses

22 06 2011
Miami-No Bicycle Ride Without Our Permission « Militant Cyclist

[…] we do need some anarchy. Alex Pro come on down to south Miami, a little street justice is needed there. Leave your Labatt Blue behind […]

31 07 2012
Are Militant Bicyclists a Menace to Society? | Daily Bleach

[…] many are rarely used. Why, then, have so many mayors and other council members bowed down to these cruel, smug social subversives? Violent members of the Critical Mass anarchist group stage a socialist-style protest for special […]

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