A New Terrorist Threat

13 07 2011

The Gothamist has an article up right now about an ever vigilant news reporter exposing the threat of al-quaeda using NYC bike lanes to carry out their attacks.

It’s already been established that bike lanes are killing your father and turning your children into fixed-gear riding meth addicts, but did you know they’re also being used by terrorists as the next tool in the war against the infidels? Laugh away, sheeple; CBS 2’s Marcia Kramer—who previously exposed the threats posed by Prospect Park West bike lane—knows better. Yesterday she raced up to Turtle Bay to, uh, report on the forthcoming bike lane extensionson First and Second Avenue, from 34th Street to 59th. And where some see a “safety” improvement, Kramer sees a hotbed of militant extremism.

“A Second Avenue bike lane is next to the Israeli Consulate,” Kramer warns. “Imagine if the man on the bike was a terrorist!” The copy on the CBS 2 website phrases it slightly differently: “A Second Avenue bike lane is next to the Israeli consulate, leaving many wondering what would happen if a man on a bike were a terrorist.” Many indeed! How many? Surely too many to count, but we’re guessing they can all be found inside Kramer’s head.

Fear not however, citizen! In an investigative report, Gothamist has uncovered the secret weapon against cycling terrorists on the streets of New York. The spiked license plate.

Years of FBI handiwork

This would make George Bush proud, as well as the PTI guys, although from the sounds of it they would use it against civilian cyclists too, not just terrorists.

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