Bicycle Film Festival NYC

21 06 2011

While I can do without most of this, I’ll be there on Saturday for the “street party” to see what I can score from the vendors…


Foul Fixed Gear Velocipede

27 10 2009

From Married to the Sea

I totally know how she feels. I mean at least about getting off the fixie.

Keep em guessing.

19 08 2009

Is this real? Is it serious? You tell me cause I don’t know anymore. Apparently the hipsters/fixters have become self aware, and are now becoming ironic within their irony. That is to say, yo dog i put some irony in your irony so you can be ironic while you’re ironic.

ironic irony of the ironc ironic?

ironic irony of the ironc ironic?

“check it bro

no name all black steel “track frame” with “track ends”
dp 18 wheel with formula hub on the front wheel, prolly needs a new tire but I haven’t had any problems with it
velocity deep v with fixed/fixed formula hub on the back
sugino cheapo crankset which needs ONE chainring bolt. yeah, that rules, right?
generic saddle
generic pedals
risers with old ass oury grips that prolly need replacing
no brakes
spokecards included for bike cred
it can do BAR SPINS. thats right, dude, BAR FUCKING SPINS!

this bike would be perfect for someone who wants to harvest the parts or use it as a polo or winter beater bike. it rides smooth other than the things listed. cmon, make me an offer, i’d like to buy a handle of whiskey and take my girlfriend out on the town.”

So. We have an admittedly crappy bike for sale. It is posed in a decidedly “urban” location, complete with…delicious ironic graffiti apparently reading “one gear one world”, and spoke cards which the poster affirms lend “bike cred” to the machine. Oh and lets not forget the deep V’s and the fact “it can do BAR SPINS. thats right, dude, BAR FUCKING SPINS!”

So. Is the person selling this bike actually being sarcastic about it? Actually aware of the ludicrousness of it all? My vote is yes, but sadly the possibility exists that he/she is not. I cant tell the “irony” apart from the “irony” anymore. Either the seller wants the hipster that may buy his bike to purchase it because it is a state of disrepair and therefore better than  a properly cared for and maintained bike, or it “rides smooth other than the things listed.”

Ouch, my brain, its enough to make me go put on a unicorn sweater and get a neck tattoo. No, seriously bro, check it.

Fixies by the River

9 07 2009

“I was riding home from OSU yesterday evening on a fixed gear bike. You passed me on fixed gear bike. Its good to see somebody else that has not spent tons of money on bike gear”

Just to be clear, they were both riding FIXED GEAR BIKES, yes lets repeat that just so there are no misunderstandings here FIXED GEAR BIKES. Yes at least you didn’t spend a lot of money on your FIXED GEAR BIKE, but I’m sure you did on your chrome messenger bag or jeans from urban outfitters, so it all evens out in the end. In the meantime I’m sure i flew by these two on their FIXED GEAR BIKES at probably 15 mph faster on my 60 mile commute yesterday. But at least they were on FIXED GEAR BIKES. And coincidentally urban outfitters is now selling FIXED GEAR BIKES. I like where this is going. The bikes are made by the republic bike company, and are complete rubbish, not surprising considering urban outfitters is selling them. I read several reviews of the product and it sounds like one of those dreams you have where you are riding a bike and it starts falling apart beneath you…or maybe thats just me.  The bikes are customizable, a hipsters wet dream, and are made from the oh so quality “hi tensile steel” which translates to UTTER CRAP. You would be better off framebuilding with natural gas black iron pipe, and it’s painted yellow already so BAM customized! Enjoy riding your worthless FIXED GEAR BIKES together you shitting hipsters.


And this gem, a veritable treasure trove of grammar riches:

“i miss u so much that i cant stand it been with out u we have kids toghter i miss coming home from work to u and the kids i cant bleave that i let ten years go down the drain please give me one more chance i love u peace ”

Sounds like they should have given FIXED GEAR BIKES a chance, probably would have saved the marriage. Craigslist continually erodes my faith in humanity, I love it.

Fakenger Hipster Scenester Rant #2

2 06 2009

So since this fakenger thing is still going after 3-4 years i thought id revisit some thoughts. Ill probably edit this later to make it more coherent later, but I’m at work and have nothing to do so…

There are plenty of fakengers around still. Every city ive traveled to recently has had their fare share, ill be back in San Francisco this weekend and will have hipster overload.

However, i think that the fakenger and hipster communities are basically one and the same now, or they always have been. But you know the hipster “movement” is really in trouble when adbusters (a hipster magazine) is writing an article decrying hipsters. I’m so confused.

Hipster and Fakenger hate aside, its great that people are riding bikes. However, many of these kids ride like idiots. Running lights, on and off the sidewalk, generally riding with no concern for their safety or that of others. I dont give a damn about their safety but it does affect how motorists and pedestrians as well as society in general view ALL cyclists. I know that it is all the rage to “not give a fuck” and wear $3oo shirts that look like they were found at thrift shops, generally look dirty and unkempt, be “different” and “original” buy doing the EXACT SAME THING that all the other hipsters are doing. Its fine if you really need to try that hard to construct a store bought identity for yourself and desperately cling to a consumer culture built around “irony”, so that you can convince yourself into believing that you are truly different or special, and really “dont give a shit” but you do. If i spit on your unblemished nike dunks (if those are even cool anymore i dont know, im sure im behind) you will care, sorry for ruining your delicately constructed image. I bet you dont know if you are being ironic or not any more do you?

If you feel the need to be a hipster or fakenger, thats great, everyone buys into something. But take into consideration those of us that do more than trackstands outside bars, those of us that commute, or race, or are ACTUALLY MESSENGERS. Next time you run a red light while I am sitting there patiently waiting like the rest of the vehicles on the road (we arent pedestrians, we are cyclists) and dart through traffic, youll understand why i am praying for a bus to hit you. Then when i pass you again before the next light, silently, youll understand why I have to resist the urge to shove you off your fixie and throw it infront of the next oncoming car.

Some of us care about attempting to change the car culture in the states into a more cyclist friendly atmosphere. It’s hard enough as it is without hipster fakengers doing their part to undermine our efforts through careless and reckless behaviour on the street. We have to deal with soccer moms on cell phones, wigger idiot kids throwing their mcdonalds at us, and yuppies in hummers, we dont need fellow cyclists holding us back.

Take some time and actually learn about how your bike works, and how to fix it if something goes wrong, so i don’t have to stop and show you. See if you can ride further than “to the bar”, realise that Brooks saddles suck. period. no really, they do. sshhhhhhhhhhhh. Put SOMETHING in your empty messenger bag, i know its just a fashion accessory, but t would make me feel better, and im off my meds, thanks.

So instead of running that red light, show the traffic around you how fucking cool you really are and do a trackstand at the light, while drinking a PBR and listening to some ironic rap “music” on your ipod. Thanks.

Brilliant. Astounding. Massive. All those words describe something else.

27 05 2009

Today we have this little jewel from the marketing geniuses at Dell computers.

selling your idiocy back to you.

selling your idiocy back to you.

This is brilliant. Its more than brilliant. Its…its…I dont have words for what it is but it doesnt matter cause it speaks for itself. Whatever the marketing guys at dell are up to, one thing is clear, they are on target and deserve a raise. There are several hundred designs to choose from but its ones like this that are just too good to be true.

Nothing like selling hipsters “culture” back to them at high prices. Although I suppose no self respecting hipstershit would purchase it anyway because its not a mac. Hypothetically speaking of course if they were to, half of them would buy it and drool all over it for a few weeks until something else shiny catches their attention and the other half would bitch and moan “they are stealing OUR culture!” Come to think of it however, I suppose you have to put SOMETHING into your OFFICIAL ISSUE CHROME MESSENGER BAG.

Hilarious. Its exactly what they are doing to themselves without realising it day in and day out (i know its hard to admit, so you dont have to, just keep buying your culture shhhhhhhhh). Hipsters, I implore you, carry on with the whining about these types of assaults by the corporate world on your “culture” so that i may stay adequately entertained. Thank you.

Why not to ride your bike on the sidewalk.

24 05 2009

As the weather is getting nicer there are more and more cyclists out, which is a good thing, but many of these muppets are riding on the sidewalk. Even some those I saw on the way to the ride of silence in full team kits were engaged in this deplorable, un-natural, depraved behavior. DISGUSTING.

Here are a few reasons from bicycle safety not to ride on the sidewalk (other than the fact that it is morally reprehensible):

“Crossing between sidewalks can be a fairly dangerous maneuver. If you do it on the left-hand side of the street, you risk getting slammed as per the diagram. If you do it on the right-hand side of the street, you risk getting slammed by a car behind you that’s turning right. You also risk getting hit by cars pulling out of parking lots or driveways. These kinds of accidents are hard to avoid, which is a compelling reason to not ride on the sidewalk in the first place.

And another reason not to ride on the sidewalk is that you’re threatening to pedestrians. Your bike is as threatening to a pedestrian as a car is threatening to you. Finally, riding on the sidewalk is illegal in some places.  If you do plan on riding on sidewalks, do it slowly and EXTRA carefully, ESPECIALLY when crossing the street between two sidewalks.”

Aside from the fact that it is more dangerous to ride your bike on the sidewalk than in the street, properly, with traffic, the police may punch you in the head.

at least he maced himself.

Heres the  link to Bicycle Safety a good, simple safety related site, with DIAGRAMS! ooooooooooh shiney………………………..